46: A Gift Isn't a Gift if It's a Burden
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Welcome to episode 46 of Permission to be Messy. I'm your host, JoAnn Krall and today I'm talking about. Mindful gift giving. So a gift really isn't a gift if it's a burden. What do I mean by that? Sometimes gift giving can be a burden for you and sometimes it can be a burden for the person that you're giving a gift to.
So how gift giving can be a burden for yourself. The first thing is spending too much money. And alongside that is if you're spending it in, you're actually racking up debt. And then there's the stressing out about what to buy. So this time of year, there's so much pressure to give gifts.
So I'm going to talk about different types of gifts that you can give. and to help you really make a plan so that you're not overspending this time of year. And then when a burden becomes a gift on the receiver is when you're giving them something that they either don't love or they don't need.
And then it becomes clutter for them. So I'm going to share with you some general tips, when you're shopping for gifts for any occasion. The first tip is to pause before each purchase and think what would JoAnn do? I'm partially kidding here. Although. I hear this all the time from my clients. When they go to do something, they think what would JoAnn do? And what I would do is I would ask myself the following questions. And I've talked about these questions before, because it helps you determine what's clutter and what's not. Will the person love this gift. Or is this simply something they will need?
Easy as that. And like I said, these happened to be the first two questions that I have you ask yourself when you're decluttering. So it's simple. Somebody either needs something or they love it. You're not just getting a gift to give the gift. 'Because, sometimes if we're just buying a gift to buy a gift, not only is the person getting clutter, but the receiver can also feel guilty that you've now spent money on something. That they don't love or need. And, then they're like, what do I do? do I just donate it?
Do I re-gift it? Do I just stash it away? Where it's just not being used? Those are all things that create a burden on the receiver.
One thing you'll hear a lot about is experience gifts. These don't cause clutter, but they can be a burden for people, especially if you're giving something to somebody that they're never going to use, because again, that gives that guilt. So this person has given me a hundred dollar gift certificate for a massage, and I don't like to get massages.
So that's just going to sit there and not be used. So really think about the person. If they're going to use it. Which would be they're using it because they love getting massages or they need massages. Those questions can tie in there as well.
So you really need to know your audience. I'll use the first thing. I have a lot of people that used to ask me if I would give gift certificates so that they could buy, my organizing services for say their sister-in-law. And sometimes I would do it. if I knew the person had already spoken with their sister-in-law, but most times I wouldn't because you can't just tell somebody they need to get organized.
because it can be an insult. They have to want that gift. Another thing I want you to think about is if you're giving food or consumables, Make sure you're conscious of allergies. We get so many things during the holidays that we can't eat. Because we can't have dairy. And so it ends up going to waste or we end up just giving it away to other people.
So it's important if you're giving people consumables to ask that question, if they have any allergies, it will save you from buying something they're not going to use, and then they'll get something they actually can enjoy. And again, like I said before, remember not everybody loves a spa treatment or a massage. I don't understand those people cause personally give me all of the massage in the spa treatments. But that said there are some people that really, that just would be so uncomfortable for them.
And I don't think I need to tell most people this. But don't buy a gym membership because you think somebody should be working out because yes, I have actually had somebody ask me that if they should get a gym membership for their wife and I thought. Oh, my God, that would be a hundred times worse than buying her a vacuum. But, Some people they're just not sure they think, it might make them feel better, but again, know your audience and be mindful of what you're giving.
Okay, so now I'm going to give you some gift ideas. the first thing would be gift certificates. Again, the spa, the massage, the mani petty, facials any of that?
Assuming the person. Would want that, but also, to go a step further with that, if they're already doing that, find out who they're doing it with. Cause that may be the person they're comfortable with. A gift certificate to their favorite store. especially if it's a place they wouldn't normally splurge, but that said be mindful of how much you're giving. If everything in the store is $200 and you're giving a $50 gift card. and they have to spend the other $150 and they may not want to do that for a while. And that gift card may end up getting lost. That's a big thing. Next to finding cash and checks that haven't been cashed in my clients, homes, and offices gift cards are right up there. Okay. Maybe a carwash or a detailing.
If there's somebody that likes to keep their car washed find out where they go get them, that if it's something they're regularly doing, giving them that gift certificate could be really helpful. And then maybe to their favorite hair salon, most people do get their hair cut. whether it's the barber or the hair salon, whatever it is, go to the person they go to and find out how much a service is.
And get it for that amount or just give them an amount towards it. Cause they're going to be using it regularly. Another thing you could do is, give the gift of a membership. maybe somebody loves theater and you could get them a membership to their local theater. Or a local art museum, or maybe just any kind of, organization that has a membership that is near and dear to them, maybe like the Audubon Society, whatever it is. If it's something that they would enjoy. That's an option. Then there are things like tickets to plays or musicals or sporting events, comedy shows, or concerts.
Find out who their favorites are and that can be really thoughtful gift. But again, like with something like that, make sure that it's something that they would feel comfortable going to, even though they may love a particular artist. But they may not want to go to an actual concert or if they do, maybe they are thinking, how am I going to get there?
So plan out those details for them as well. Those extra little details will go a long way. Maybe get tickets to go together so that you know that you can get them there and they'll feel comfortable.
Maybe pay for some classes for them. Like sewing photography, art, cooking, and scrapbooking. Think out of the box with things that they really enjoy.
And then we can move into some of the practical things. Like a AAA roadside assistance membership. Some new tires for their car. season of plowing or fall cleanup and snow-blowing services. If you pay for that upfront for them, that could be an amazing gift.
Or even gift certificates for groceries. It's not a glamorous gift. But it can be a really great gift for people, especially if it's at the grocery store, they can use that to splurge on some items that they wouldn't normally buy.
And then thinking of some, no-cost items, maybe you offer babysitting, pet sitting, or even you actually physically wash their car.
And that's just the gift of your time, which is amazing. It's thoughtful. There's no debt. Nobody feels like you've spent all this money on them. whether they use them or not, there's nothing lost.
You've offered and if for some reason they don't take you up on it. there's no underlying guilt there.
And then some other things. that can be really good is if you know somebody who has young children. Maybe getting them a hotel stay while you're babysitting for them. That would be an amazing gift. I would have loved that back when my kids were little. or like any kind of family vacation. and this would go within your family, then maybe you all take a vacation together instead of actually exchanging physical gifts.
Anything that you can do together and make lasting memories? I think those are just the best gifts.
Now all of this said keeping track of it all is super, super important. It's really good to keep track of who you're giving gifts to. And when throughout the year, in, and then keeping notes, like their favorite colors, their sizes, their hobbies, and then logging in what gifts you have given them in the past,
And, you could keep this in a simple notebook or a journal or a project management software. there is an app called Santa's Bag. I'll try to find the link and put it in the show notes as well. So you can see that, but just to keep track of everything, that can be really helpful.
It can keep you from overspending and, just, it makes you think about what you're buying. Plus if you've bought all these gifts, I don't know about you. Sometimes I'll buy a bunch of gifts and then. I'll hide them. And then what did I buy? And I forget. So having that detailed list could be really helpful.
So the bottom line is. Know your audience. Make sure that you're giving them what they love or what they need. Make sure you're not going into debt. Just to give gifts. If you're strapped for cash, think about things that you can do that are inexpensive. using your time. maybe even you decide with certain people that you can stop exchanging gifts.
There's nothing wrong with that. And I hope this helps you. I'm recording this in the beginning of December. Many of you have already started shopping because we had black Friday and cyber Monday and all of that. A lot of the last minute purchases are really what ended up costing us the most money. And we're also less thoughtful at that time. Cause we're just panicking to get a gift, to get a gift.
So happy gift giving.
And actually, if you want to go back and listen to episode 28, when I talked about what to do with unwanted gifts. So that would be for yourself. you might want to listen, give that one a listen, I'll put the link to that in the show notes as well. And as always, I'm wishing you much progress, peace, purpose, and the permission to be messy.
Thanks for listening.
