34: Setting Boundries
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Welcome to episode 34 of Permission to be Messy. I'm your host, JoAnn Krall and today I'm talking about setting boundaries.
Setting boundaries is essential if we want to actually get anything done and I have to confess. I am the worst at setting boundaries. Or at least the worst that enforcing them. I'm talking with my family. I'm pretty good at setting boundaries for myself. Meaning I'm able to keep my notifications off on my phone. I don't get distracted by my phone when I'm actually focused on a project. I don't get distracted by, checking my email, things like that. I'm really good about setting boundaries with myself. What I have been terrible at though. Is setting boundaries with my family. I think actually before the pandemic, I was a little, I was just getting to the point where I was much better at it. My daughters are adults now and. it should be easy. So I think it did improve, but it's been so long since I feel like the boundaries were set. And because I've been working at my dining room table.
The boundaries are just not even there. They don't even think twice about walking by and talking or coming in and asking me a question. My husband does the same thing.
And I know I talked about, I was going to have my office this week. my daughter's move was crazy and it's been a struggle and she's not fully out, so I'm not in my office yet, but hopefully fingers crossed. I will be very soon. I'm not even going to put a date on it. I think it will be a lot easier for me because I'll be able to put like a sticky note on the door that basically says, do not enter. Don't interrupt me. So it would be a good visual reminder and I'll have that door. So I won't hear as much going by. So I'm really looking forward to that, but.
I'll tell you how I used to set boundaries with my family. So it used to be really good at explaining to my family that I need quiet from this time to this time. Now I had an office at the time, and even though it didn't have a door. They had to come downstairs to actually interrupt me. And also my husband was working in an office, so that was one less person around. So it was a lot easier. to deal with that because he wasn't, he, I didn't really have to set those boundaries with him. So we didn't really have that good practice when he started working from home fully, which has definitely been a challenge. But with my daughters, they knew. I'm working during the certain hours. So unless it's an emergency. Do not come down and talk to me. And, when we all started being home during the pandemic,
It just all went out the window.
But I do think a lot of the boundary issues are with me because I'm, I don't enforce them. Even when I was working with people in person, I had some clients that would definitely try to step over boundaries. Reaching out to me, using texts, which wasn't something that I typically wanted to do asking me last minute if I had time, things like that. I wasn't very good at setting those boundaries. I quickly learned that I needed to set those up front with people and, you know, I would reach out to the ones that were I'm using air quotes, abusing it, and kindly asked them if they would only use email and, setting up those parameters. But some people didn't listen to that and they would continue and to be honest. I let those clients go. But I can't let my family go. And I'm sure you can relate to this. there's some things that, there's always going to be some distractions and no boundary is really going to. keep that from happening.
But the bottom line is. It's so important to set boundaries with friends, with family, with yourself, with your clients, whatever it may be. So that you can at least have some structure. And yeah, sometimes those boundaries are going to be crossed.
I really want to touch on the part of setting those boundaries for yourself, because that is something that we can control. On some level. Some of us have ADHD and boundaries are a little bit harder when you have that going on. Giving yourself some sort of a schedule for the day and giving yourself that permission to be messy, to go outside the schedule, but starting with some structure and trying to keep to it can really help.
As far as, recognizing what is throwing you off course and making you, distracted. This can start with, I've talked about this before doing an inventory of your time. spend a couple of days with yourself, just watching, yourself and seeing what you're doing and, keeping note, you can keep an actual inventory or you can just really think about it, like just being mindful and saying, oh wow. I was working on something and I checked my email like seven times. Making note of that. And and maybe you still need to check that email because it, you, your brain needs to shift, but maybe say, all right, I'm only going to check it three times. The next time and try to just try and reduce it as much as you possibly can. I think just being aware of distractions and boundaries that aren't being met. It can be really helpful because I know for myself this week, It really hit me. I know that those boundaries haven't been, respected for some time now.
I wantedto point out to them what they were doing. You see what you just did? You just walked up to me and asked me a question. Sometimes I'm met with, it's just a simple question. But a simple question can throw off your entire day because a simple question someone's asking doesn't necessarily mean it's simple for me. It could be, did you pay that bill? So now my mind is thinking about that bill. It may be a simple question. I may be able to say yes or no to that person. But now it's thrown on my whole day off. And I'm sure many of you can relate to that. Especially us women, we hold a lot in our brains. You know how many times. does a family member go to the fridge, open the door and say, where's the ketchup. And you're just like right in front of you. Things like that. And it's, it all seems harmless in the moment. But it, adds up. And I think this week has been a breaking point for me. So I wanted to just touch on this and talk about it.
So I'd love to hear from you. If you have any really cool boundary setting techniques. tricks. because I would like to use them for myself, but I'd also like to share them with my community, because like I said, it's not something that I'm great at and that's something that I know is essential for us to get stuff done. On top of getting organized of course.
So here's to fingers crossed that maybe I'll have my office next week.
As always, I'm wishing you much progress, peace purpose, and the permission to be messy. Thanks for listening.
