28: What To Do About Unwanted Gifts
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Welcome to episode 28 of Permission to be Messy. I'm your host, JoAnn Krall and today I'm talking about those unwanted gifts and what to do with them. Now, I'm not going to talk about the details of how to get rid of them. This is more about how do we stop getting them, or how do we give ourselves permission to actually let them go to donate sell re gift? because I do believe in re gifting. In certain situations. but this is really about having the conversations with people. And dealing with the people that are just never going to stop giving us gifts.
It's funny when my parents were alive and once I moved out of my home. They didn't buy me gifts. They gave me money because they knew they didn't know my taste and they didn't know what I needed. And my parents in their own right were minimalists. But the second I had children, they turned into buying machines and trying to give my kids everything they possibly could.
And it was a struggle for me because they. They got a lot. And I was overwhelmed. But I let them give them because I knew it made them happy.
I never had the conversation with them because honestly, I knew that they weren't strapping themselves financially. And my kids loved what they got and it gave my parents such joy.
And my parents passed away when my daughters were four and two years old. So this didn't go on for years. So I can't say how I would have felt beyond then or how my girls would have felt if they were buying them things that they didn't need. But that was a situation where accepting the gifts with grace, knowing that it was making the person joyful.
And then yeah, there were things that I donated and I didn't tell my parents and it was okay.
So what do you do when you have somebody in your life who is constantly giving you gifts that you don't need ,or that you don't love. If you have a really good relationship with this person, I recommend that you sit down and have a conversation with them. Now you can make it all about you.
You don't have to say, I don't like what you give me. you could talk about that. You don't need it. but in that situation, you want to bring it in again about you saying, you know, I've been trying to reduce and minimize, I don't have a lot of space and the clutter will stress me out. So just have that conversation that you would prefer that they stop giving you gifts.
Yeah, some people are going to object to this. I've learned, there are a lot of people out there that just want to give gifts for every occasion. they feel like they've done something wrong if they don't give a gift.
So if you're on the other side of this, I am going to be doing a podcast about mindful gift giving, but having those conversations with people. Just telling them that, you would prefer not to even receive gifts. And again, that may be really difficult for the gift giver, and if it is, =And they insist on giving you gifts. Maybe, you could ask them if they could ask you ahead of time. what you might enjoy or what might be helpful for you? Maybe there's something that you need.
Now, if you can't have these conversations with a person in your life, that's giving you gifts because it's just too awkward or you really feel like you're going to hurt their feelings. Then I say, accept every gift that they give you with grace thank them. Because that has brought them joy. Because the real gift. The real value in a gift is the actual act of giving and receiving. It's not really the object itself.
So let go of that guilt and let the gift go .
So, so those, those are the two ways to go about it, have the conversation and try to minimize the gifts. Or accept the gifts with grace, let the person have their joy and then let it go. Do not feel like you have to hold onto it because honestly, if that person comes to your home and asks you about the gift, then you can have that hard conversation with them
Just be honest and be gentle when having those conversations. Obviously you always want to start with expressing your gratitude. You want to thank people for being so generous with their time and their money In picking out that perfect gift for you because some people.
Are really believing that what they're giving you is perfect. There are other people out there that are just buying a gift to give you a gift because the gift giving is what is important to them.
Just emphasize with people that you don't want them to feel obligated to give you gifts.
What do you do when you don't want to have that hard conversation? I say you drop hints. You could talk about how so-and-so created a wishlist on Amazon or another company, to help their family. pick out gifts for them and you could ask them, what are their thoughts on that? Do they think that's good? And then you could share that you think it's a really cool idea because it helps people to truly get what they want or need.
You could drop hints in conversations about things or experiences that you want to try. You could create social media posts about items that you find interesting because maybe that will give them hints. When you're talking about giving a gift to somebody else, you could talk about the kind of gifts that you plan to give them, because that may give them an idea of, oh, I never even thought to do that as a gift
And make sure that you were expressing your appreciation when this person does things that doesn't involve an actual physical gift. So if they're doing a kind gesture for you or anything like that, make sure that you really focus on that because they may think about that in the future.
One of the things that I love to do is to always ask the person. Is there anything that they have been needing or wanting, because if you're asking them that question over and over.
Hopefully they will eventually get the hint that you would like to be asked that question as well.
It doesn't always work, but again, All we can do is try to drop hints or have those hard conversations. Or again, Except our gifts with grace. But never feel guilt, letting them go.
I hope this was helpful. This was on my mind today because I had a client talking to me about this last week.
I think it's one of the hardest things for people to let go of, is, you know, when you've received something from somebody else, it's just, it's all about the guilt.
So as I leave you today, I always want to remind you, reach out. If you have any questions about this episode or anything that you want me to cover in a future episode. Even if I've talked about it before, if you want me to expand on anything, I'm always looking for questions.
And I'm wishing you much purpose, peace and progress. And of course the permission to be messy. Thanks for listening.
